sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
