he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
