i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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