Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
