Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
