im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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