If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
