Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
soo... how was my night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
