ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
