Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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