yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
