so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
