He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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