I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
