8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
