the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
