Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
