That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
