I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
