Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
