I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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