Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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