$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
