why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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