I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
