and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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