No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
