girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i think my cat just said my name.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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