I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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