I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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