PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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