You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
