New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
