okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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