fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
