I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
