i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
