Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
