Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
