He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
