I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
