I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
