Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
