hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
