I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
