I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
