We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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