You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
