Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
