I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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