Umm I'm too high to move.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
