well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
