She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
