She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
