I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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