I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
