Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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